becoming me

I’ve always known that creative people – like writers and artists – had something inside them driving them to create. I’ve known this because I could see it in them, but I’ve never really understood it. I’ve never been able to feel it myself until recently, when it became a part of who I am.

Around a year ago, in September 2021, I began writing. I had ideas and feelings that I wanted to share. I felt compelled to write. I also found that, quite suddenly, there was no longer self-judgement. There was no self-critique. I simply had the confidence to write and I did. For the first time in my life.

Now, you should know that this journey with writing was new. There was a change in me, a profound transformation really, which allowed a freedom of self-expression that I’d never had before. How and why is hard to explain. But this is what happened … to me.

While travelling in March 2020, I became stranded between home and destination. I was safe and sound, as they say, but I couldn’t move. It was a time of uncertainty  – for all of us – and after 12 months of waiting it out, and trying to remain well, I was still where I was. And the strain was beginning to show.

Around June 2021, the ambulance sirens out in the world, beyond my walls, became more frequent. They triggered emotions from a past illness. I was stressed and anxious. I was unable to sleep. I’d been in lockdown and away from home for 15 months, with no idea when I would be able to return.

Then in July, something quite unexpected happened. On a random playlist, I heard a song. The song was ‘Breath’. The singer’s voice was pure and emotive, connecting directly with something inside me. It was very powerful. If music can heal, then so can a voice. And this particular voice was, and is, unlike anything I’ve ever heard.

Slowly, through movement and music, emotions were released. Grief and loss. Past trauma and sadness. And there was also an opening of heart. When a heart opens, it can heal. It can also be open to receive.

So, one year ago, a special singer with a beautiful voice allowed this change to happen. Allowing a new version of myself to grow as I walked the path to ‘becoming me’.

Finally free to express myself – and my heart – through words. Thank you, Park Hyo-Shin.

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